Emotional Masturbation Posted at 11:33:00 pm 0 comments (+) Believe me I hit google before I use this term so assume I've did it super carefully. Oh and I've found another term here. I've got bad days as usual. And by usual, I mean I am doing it now. Probably? Single, unmarried, being underpaid, BEING A TEACHER, being too young yet too old to do a lot of hella stuff, a part of millennials, what's next? I mean, man? I wish i could show the more positive sides, just like what I'm forever doing. Pretend I'm just O-K with lined up casual dates, follow a what's so called "PassioN" (oh puhlease) and faking up things; trying to convey "Fake it till you make it" as the fakeness left out to myself. What was I doing? Man, that was complete utterly horrible. Then I put the middle finger on my mom's face this day and curse her. Right. Of course I got a reason but remember? I'm Asian. The lousy Asian generation. Keep talking behind me that feeds my ego. By Asian I put the whole races across the continent and I know it's super racist - but I got a fantastic term for that: (anticipaaaate) "a chink". You're welcome.
(It's called blog for a reason, not a digital diary. Who cares?)
(I have a parenthesis problem, whoops)
I have this emotional masturbation as a part of being a sane human. No, I'm not watching soap opera munching on Doritos, it's even better: Kid's Movie. The Inside Out. PIXAR I OWE YOU.
What the things that I have currently is I got a sense of relieve. Hey, things might have been worse but look at yourself. You are doing mistakes. It proves you that you are human. (Okay I steal it for DreamWorks, so sorry).
I have the problem of being human. What I want the rest of the world know me is I always crave for being a super human. Super human lives under the rainbow, puke butterfly, poop heart shaped balloon and fart perfume. I mean yikes. That's what I'm doing "up there". I always consider myself as "under the stealth" whenever I'm using any alias. I'm just a girl, who have a heart, who own feelings and all the unglamorous part of having the 46 chromosomes syncing! Now I pretend to be a happy go lucky girl and pretend not being offended every time people tell bad about me? So I have this ritual of being unsocial for a day where I watch Inside Out, Up, or any Pixar's or DreamWork's which I called as an emotional masturbation. I let myself locked in a room, drenched in tears, and got better afterwards. Of course it could be a song replaying forever through my iPod or just curled up and shed my tears. It all just a way to shake things of and put another mask. At least I'm ready to fake up my life but boy this surely takes time.
Recently I got "no time", two hour commuting from my work? Club meetings? Datings? Curfews(oh yes the luxury of living under the same roof with parents)? Of course my time ran out quickly yet I haven't fulfilled my 8 hour straight sleep everyday!
I'm not a robot.
So you know why my finger traveled over the air straight in front of my mom's face?
I wrecked up.
Totally.
This emotional masturbation helped me a lot to rant up another times here. Finally I vent up in the most acceptable ways of human speaking.
The emotional masturbation helped me to articulate what was I losing, as a human being. It may not picked up the problem. Not even a bit. But it helped me to build strength, to face up all the problems I potentially have or the problems I actually having now.
I need to move on.`