Old Me, New Number Posted at 6:32:00 pm 0 comments (+) As the days passing by and all the world keeps constantly changing, myself and I left this world in an awe. Well, to awe might be just too much. It might be better as "feeling appalled" by all the people doing, the nano actions people do every day and they create their own Big Bang while it's me the one who left behind in 318589732897489 millions years trying to baby stepping every single thing.

No matter how much the effort I'm making, I'm feeling so much just yesterday, any other day, a year before, 20 years before. I'm not doing any kind good. Letting the world knows my vulnerabilities in the wide web world continuously bring uneasy feeling. It's like getting naked in a super formal setting and I'm just to awkward even for blinking my eyes.

But reading all the posts I made years before, I can view myself better today. All  the dramas, all the arguments I made with my mom, my previous bad workplace (even though my current workplace is not better too), my hellish skripsi thesis, my exes, and my feelings toward myself is now just getting better. I don't know it's a kind of progress or is it the new me with the new number clicking down biologically inside this mortal body. I just don't know. The rampage I vomit using subtweets which my closest friends might feel uncomfortable with their whole screen full of rants is decreasing day by day. I also commit on mobile diet - I don't bring my phone all the day and I'm all doing fine. My mom is the best angel ever sent to Earth. I'm getting a work in a company. My exes and I are no longer in contact though sometimes we do have chats but that's it. No drama. My hellish skripsi carved my name into somebody who have a bachelor degree and I'm feeling a little proud of myself for conquering this little quest. I might not yet a successful person but all these baby steps lead me somewhere - the faint light in the end of dark humid tunnel I'm following.

I might getting older judging by the words I use today or probably it's just the old me along with the new number.

Labels: ex, gratefulness, grow up, life, love, new hope