So this guy, the dopamine inhibitor, finally decided to be in a more serious relationship with me. I don't know how to react on the one-week relationship. He is not the kind of overly romantic boyfriend but the person who challenge me to do the best part of my own. We got a super unconventional date which discussed about quantum mechanics and by the discussion, I know I'm not really good at delivering ideas. I decided to take a class because I feel I still need to learn on how I convey ideas. Which is awesome!
I don't know how long the relationship will go.. I just do my best on finding myself before I found that one.. (hopefully it's him)

So I did it again. I fell and break myself. I found my heart scattered for all the things I did. Thank you, Mr. Complementer. You did it quite well.
Thanks for all the movie and dinner. That was awesome. We seemed like..... dating.
Also thanks for your text. It was so nice. Now it is so heartbreaking after you gave me the news. That was terrific.
I have already understood why you hesitated to make a move. Ta dah!
I will find my own self and I'll be just fine. Thanks for everything. You traced a very elaborate good story. Brilliant.

I keep procrastinating for this one. The reason is, I really do not know what I want, after I made the lottery challenge 6.
I found my biggest challenge is myself. That I don't trust myself much. Like, really? Can I do that?
I found myself having this "low self esteem" and I don't have any reason for that. There are a lot of things to do and I don't even do one!
So if, if I got $200million, I would take a big step to do something. I would bravely tell myself, you're a big girl, just do it. What is the grandeur thing you want to mark this world? Grow two ovaries and be courageous. Do the fuck you'd dying love to do. Marketing? Communication? Environment issues? Those are the things you'd love to do. You're deriliously drifted to the source of happiness. You're an extrovert! Embrace the moment you spend with people. That you put the seeds of ideas you ingrain to others. That yes, education is not about something that you learn in the class but something you reap from the life. Education is not solely from school. Go swirl around the world and learn something. You love to explore and learn. It's the best moment you craft. Face the failures you dodge. You hate the moment when you seems uncapable of doing. That was the reason why you quit your last job. And that made you regret a bit. Just face it. The current miserable job? Darling $200million would not replace the smile of the students you teach. You will eventually leave. But those kids need to know that you don't hate the job. You just hate your stupid boss. You just hate her insane ideas and how you cringe everytime she put herself in the very unexplanable idiocracy. She is just a mere human with different path she takes for herself. Let her drown inside the big pool of idiot ideas of herself. You don't hate the job, you just hate the money you got. You already got $200million, milady. Build a company that integrates enviromental friendliness. Provide low cost renewable fuel. Create degradable plastics. Recycle plastics into good use. Do scientific research.
Live to the fullest. Hold hands and give hugs to people you love. Tell them you love them. Tell them they are precious. Thank them for being themselves. Embrace the moment.
Why you have to wait the $200million if you can grow the ovaries now?
Be courageous. You can do it without the grands.

Right now you're on the way home and I really want to say something for your flight. A sincere "have a safe flight" but then idk when is your schedule. Sigh.
Have a safe flight, dear Mr. Complementer.

I hit the writer's block as soon as I reach the sixth number. To be quite honest, I feel exhausted as I imagined how my life would be if I got $200million lottery. It's all still in my head but I realized that I feed my ego too much. Making a company? Change the world using education? Come on.
I think if I had $200million, I would savour the day I have. I would be grateful. I would donate some or even all of my money. I want to say thank you to my mother and my father for growing me up. I want to say I love you to my brother because he deserve the love. I would gladly become "me". Uncover the real part of me. Deep down inside I feel that I'm just nothing. And I always feel insecure when I open up. I might got killed because I got $200million so I will let it go. I would work hard. I want to pursue career in marketing. I would do normal thing I would like to do. There is nothing I would do other than living at the moment. I don't want to worry about tomorrow.

Funny thing is, I don't have to get $200million to do that 😂

I learned that spending $200million is not easy even it comes in your mind. So much things to do! So little thing speak to my soul. So I try to write what's important to me this time.
I imagine that I would swirl around the world, take vacation, quit my current job, take a degree in business, join a big company to learn about how to make a company, make a small company concerning about the giving an impact to the environment, I'm thinking about how to change bigger society through education.

Education is the core of human civilization. Education makes people what we are today. I think I would teach kids independently. I don't care. I have money. What I teach would be real life skills, with a deep understanding of environment. I don't think I would teach them everyday. I would be exhausted. I would teach for fun. And I don't care about the measurement. Why would you use the same kind of measurement while they have diverse style of absorbing the lesson? I would not interested on making them smart. There are already a lot of smart people out there. I want them to do something for our nature. That we all doing something in order to save ourselves on this Earth. I also want them to genuinely interested in reading.

I should have done it two days ago. Oh the sweetness of procrastination.
After pursuing MBA, getting experience from a big company, what would I do? Money is not a concern since I have $200 million!
I would make a company of my own. The company would help people on tackling environment issues. I'm interested in using reusable plastic or creating a new kind of biodegradable plastic. My company would produce plastic that is safe for our nature.
I'm kind of lost writing this hahaah because this is not something I yearn for. Creating a company is a big task. I want to live in freedom. So this company of my own would not so big. But it helps the people surround me to get a better life as well as to get a better environment. It is not a big scale company. It is small company with big impact.