Because I Exactly Know Posted at 1:12:00 am 0 comments (+) Having a literal no-life succesfully brings my wicked fantasy about what-if situation. What if I put a bullet inside my head? What a dead is like? Is there any afterlife? Like really?
Those questions actually linger inside my skull, bring back to my memory back then when I was a high school student, arguing that even a suicidal is a form of freedom and thus we can bring death whenever we want and it's just a mere choice that all of the people should respect the way we died. No matter how cruel it seems.
Sadness and worries are infectious negative feelings that inevitably invade my brains. Sometimes my life seems like a big fail and all the worries fill me, corrupting the thing inside my skull and I begin to bring those questions back. I just feel totally gloomy, and all I want to do is combating the feelings. I just feel so bad about myself, over and over, and it feels so endless.Yielding in best case situation that I create to cheer my own feeling, sometimes I end up saying I don't know for the best bet.
I don't know are tricky words. It shows vulnerability yet innocence of human. It's an excuse to not doing something because simply I don't know. I don't know is a sign of fear. The feeling that suddenly consume you entirely slowly. You know. You understand, but too much afraid to accept the truth. Basically all of the no-life situation is explainable. I just don't dare to face it. I know.

120-characters is never enough Posted at 5:49:00 pm 0 comments (+) I hate a sudden fluttered feelings that I have to endure this days. Basically, I just want to have a peaceful life and so on and so forth. I just can't make it. I feel dumber, pathetic, and you-are-not-that-young-feelings. Usually this kind of feelings just go by like it never happens. It lingers in me and it annoys me so much. I just hate this. All I want to to do is smashing, punching, beating, chopping any nearest stuff. All I do is smacking this keyboard. I feel lifeless and ready for any apocalypse. I just give up for all the things that I have.

Congratulation! Posted at 7:49:00 pm 0 comments (+)

Rainbow Posted at 12:45:00 am 0 comments (+) Paradox is like we like the rainbow but we hate the rain and the sun at the same time.

Change Posted at 1:31:00 am 0 comments (+)

Twenty-four-hours is more than enough to change one's mind

Thank you for you presence in my life. We really had a nice time, back then.

I thought I can fill the castle with all the things that we had done before. I thought I can do it for my entire life. I thought you will be the only inspiration for any heart-breaking moments. I thought you could last longer than this. Too bad that I can forget you this fast, recalling how that day, that very day, at the first time of my life I forgot your birthday. The day which is also remarkable for me, saying goodbye as hard as pulling out a bullet inside my throat. It's not necessarily fast counting the more one thousand days afterwards. Time is relative, and I thought, it's just too fast.
Well, here I am.
Some other people tend to say a moving on session, I prefer to say a late spring season. Regarding how many days I try to cope with without you. It was hard for me, but here I am.
I'm not bulletproof, I'm not heart-break-free, I'm not that strong.
I really want to share the song we sang together, the Tekken-something game we played together, but I really forget about them. It was a nice time, really.
So, happy belated birthday for you.
Thanks for everything, I miss you.

Commemoration Posted at 5:24:00 pm 0 comments (+)
Your existence was vanished as time being
We were separated by your and my circumstances
It was years was years
We were young
Innocent and blazingly spirited
I was mesmerized by the love grown up inside me
The flash of your existence brought a fresh memory
of our laugh, our sound, our song
How are you?
I keep the wound open
to preserve your existence

[Not] Inside My Heart Posted at 2:36:00 pm 0 comments (+) Sometimes I wonder why things changed so fast while it seems that I have done nothing. Comfort zone is poisonous. You will never know how much your progress is and how much your ignorance brings harm to you. You never know.

Staying positive means you have prepared for the worst

Labels: another castle, comfort, honesty