Dead Bored Posted at 11:58:00 am 1 comments (+) I was about creating new blog to rant and it happened that I'm too lazy to create a new blog and remember the passwords and accounts is sooooooo done. To be quite effing honest I have numbers of accounts to be run. Merely for the sake of fun. And remembering different passwords each is torturing my front lobe or any parts of my brain that responsible for the long term memory.

Alternate Universe Posted at 5:24:00 pm 0 comments (+)

In which side of the world you really depict your very own self?

I've been so long strolling the so-called the outside world, creating myself as everything I want to be seen. As an impulsive one, like those who are unbeatable. As strong as diamond.
Now I'm just in a complete exhausting moments when all the things seem so wrong, seem so fake, seem so artificial. Everything I do is like being made. Even a simple tiny microscopic little thing. I just too tired of being whatsoever I wanted to be.
So I am here, comeback again as nobody. Even if you know me, you're just one of the closest circle of mine. Or just stranger.
-heavy sigh-

Because I Exactly Know Posted at 1:12:00 am 0 comments (+) Having a literal no-life succesfully brings my wicked fantasy about what-if situation. What if I put a bullet inside my head? What a dead is like? Is there any afterlife? Like really?
Those questions actually linger inside my skull, bring back to my memory back then when I was a high school student, arguing that even a suicidal is a form of freedom and thus we can bring death whenever we want and it's just a mere choice that all of the people should respect the way we died. No matter how cruel it seems.
Sadness and worries are infectious negative feelings that inevitably invade my brains. Sometimes my life seems like a big fail and all the worries fill me, corrupting the thing inside my skull and I begin to bring those questions back. I just feel totally gloomy, and all I want to do is combating the feelings. I just feel so bad about myself, over and over, and it feels so endless.Yielding in best case situation that I create to cheer my own feeling, sometimes I end up saying I don't know for the best bet.
I don't know are tricky words. It shows vulnerability yet innocence of human. It's an excuse to not doing something because simply I don't know. I don't know is a sign of fear. The feeling that suddenly consume you entirely slowly. You know. You understand, but too much afraid to accept the truth. Basically all of the no-life situation is explainable. I just don't dare to face it. I know.

120-characters is never enough Posted at 5:49:00 pm 0 comments (+) I hate a sudden fluttered feelings that I have to endure this days. Basically, I just want to have a peaceful life and so on and so forth. I just can't make it. I feel dumber, pathetic, and you-are-not-that-young-feelings. Usually this kind of feelings just go by like it never happens. It lingers in me and it annoys me so much. I just hate this. All I want to to do is smashing, punching, beating, chopping any nearest stuff. All I do is smacking this keyboard. I feel lifeless and ready for any apocalypse. I just give up for all the things that I have.

Congratulation! Posted at 7:49:00 pm 0 comments (+)

Rainbow Posted at 12:45:00 am 0 comments (+) Paradox is like we like the rainbow but we hate the rain and the sun at the same time.

Change Posted at 1:31:00 am 0 comments (+)

Twenty-four-hours is more than enough to change one's mind

Thank you for you presence in my life. We really had a nice time, back then.

I thought I can fill the castle with all the things that we had done before. I thought I can do it for my entire life. I thought you will be the only inspiration for any heart-breaking moments. I thought you could last longer than this. Too bad that I can forget you this fast, recalling how that day, that very day, at the first time of my life I forgot your birthday. The day which is also remarkable for me, saying goodbye as hard as pulling out a bullet inside my throat. It's not necessarily fast counting the more one thousand days afterwards. Time is relative, and I thought, it's just too fast.
Well, here I am.
Some other people tend to say a moving on session, I prefer to say a late spring season. Regarding how many days I try to cope with without you. It was hard for me, but here I am.
I'm not bulletproof, I'm not heart-break-free, I'm not that strong.
I really want to share the song we sang together, the Tekken-something game we played together, but I really forget about them. It was a nice time, really.
So, happy belated birthday for you.
Thanks for everything, I miss you.