Change Posted at 10:27:00 pm 0 comments (+) So I got (again!!) in a super big fight with my mom. I know it's sooo NOT Asian, against every pillar of Confucianism etc, whatever. It's socially unacceptable by a very Asian who every single day taught we have to keep harmony of the life. Children should respect parents, parents should take care of children. Filial love. Parental love. The harmony will make a life full. Then I broke the very idea of harmony for the sake of venting my anger. I just could not take it anymore when they kept reminding me that HEY I'm a girl, and HEY it's not appropriate to not do something and should be able to do something.
Like, hell?????? You're so sexist and here came the blow.
I feel bad right now I shouted at her this very morning while I was not supposed to do too much of that but of course I could not accept what against my idealism at all cost. I fight for the right thing then what's wrong?
Now I get a better time for myself. I can do whatever I feel like because I get a silent treatment hahahaha
I think it's the part I really hate back then now I cannot just wait for it. I can make money and I think it's time to move out. I can afford this 3-4 months here but NOT longer than that. I know I hate to grow up back then. But it's so millennial right? Even  I might be one of the 85% of grown up who lives with their parents.
I would gladly become one of the 25% shortly afterwards.

Anyway regarding my mom (this is why I felt sorry afterwards), I think she got a hard time fighting the menopausal syndrome but then again HEY it has started like 3 years or more why she still gets her period. Then I read an article that .......it last........ until........ like years. about 4-7 years. probably more. Depending on how active my parent is. Then my mom is kind of normal housewife who is not taking exercises as daily basis....
Now I don't have more reasons to stay any further.
P.S: Believe me, if your mother have perimenopausal syndrome you just need to run over hiding beneath a hill or whatsoever. The mood swing is 100000000x horrible than PMS. Just in case, you know.

Invisible Helmet Posted at 10:46:00 pm 0 comments (+) Things getting worse after I ended up my job and every single things to pursue my own dream. I'm the most spoiled brat alive in this Earth who forgot to count the blessings I had. Things are messed inside of me, everything turns really bad on me. The tide is just coming in. I don't know.

Dead Bored Posted at 11:58:00 am 1 comments (+) I was about creating new blog to rant and it happened that I'm too lazy to create a new blog and remember the passwords and accounts is sooooooo done. To be quite effing honest I have numbers of accounts to be run. Merely for the sake of fun. And remembering different passwords each is torturing my front lobe or any parts of my brain that responsible for the long term memory.

Alternate Universe Posted at 5:24:00 pm 0 comments (+)

In which side of the world you really depict your very own self?

I've been so long strolling the so-called the outside world, creating myself as everything I want to be seen. As an impulsive one, like those who are unbeatable. As strong as diamond.
Now I'm just in a complete exhausting moments when all the things seem so wrong, seem so fake, seem so artificial. Everything I do is like being made. Even a simple tiny microscopic little thing. I just too tired of being whatsoever I wanted to be.
So I am here, comeback again as nobody. Even if you know me, you're just one of the closest circle of mine. Or just stranger.
-heavy sigh-

Because I Exactly Know Posted at 1:12:00 am 0 comments (+) Having a literal no-life succesfully brings my wicked fantasy about what-if situation. What if I put a bullet inside my head? What a dead is like? Is there any afterlife? Like really?
Those questions actually linger inside my skull, bring back to my memory back then when I was a high school student, arguing that even a suicidal is a form of freedom and thus we can bring death whenever we want and it's just a mere choice that all of the people should respect the way we died. No matter how cruel it seems.
Sadness and worries are infectious negative feelings that inevitably invade my brains. Sometimes my life seems like a big fail and all the worries fill me, corrupting the thing inside my skull and I begin to bring those questions back. I just feel totally gloomy, and all I want to do is combating the feelings. I just feel so bad about myself, over and over, and it feels so endless.Yielding in best case situation that I create to cheer my own feeling, sometimes I end up saying I don't know for the best bet.
I don't know are tricky words. It shows vulnerability yet innocence of human. It's an excuse to not doing something because simply I don't know. I don't know is a sign of fear. The feeling that suddenly consume you entirely slowly. You know. You understand, but too much afraid to accept the truth. Basically all of the no-life situation is explainable. I just don't dare to face it. I know.

120-characters is never enough Posted at 5:49:00 pm 0 comments (+) I hate a sudden fluttered feelings that I have to endure this days. Basically, I just want to have a peaceful life and so on and so forth. I just can't make it. I feel dumber, pathetic, and you-are-not-that-young-feelings. Usually this kind of feelings just go by like it never happens. It lingers in me and it annoys me so much. I just hate this. All I want to to do is smashing, punching, beating, chopping any nearest stuff. All I do is smacking this keyboard. I feel lifeless and ready for any apocalypse. I just give up for all the things that I have.

Congratulation! Posted at 7:49:00 pm 0 comments (+)